Generations of black women playing the roles of mother, partner, healer, leader, and muse set the groundwork for this expectation.  The expectation to be “rock”. From watching our mothers and grandmothers work multiple jobs, tend to the household, raise children, be a dutiful partner, or do it alone, most of us have learned that we must be everything, all at once, all the time. The rules of the mothers then fall onto the eldest daughters who are expected, by default, to help keep the family afloat. Through long nights babysitting, sacrificing playtime, and taking on a handful of chores, the daughters learn that they must be strong too. Passing the torch of strength, survivalism and D.E.Y. (Do everything yourself) has become an unhealthy tradition amongst black women.

I can’t tell you how many times women have literally exhaled when they realized that I, as their therapist looked like them or had a commonality, like being a mom. This allows them to avoid or bypass the time it takes to explain what you mean when you use a certain tone or phrase and when your joking versus when there is pain behind the humor. We call it the “translation tax” and it can be draining to have to navigate how you says things in addition to what to you. It is so important to be guided by culturally-attuned therapists. For any woman looking for a Black female therapist in Delaware County, now is the time start bypassing the translation tax.