The Complicated Mix of the Holidays
As the holiday season creeps closer here in Wilmington, Delaware, it reminds me that the holidays, while joyful, can bring up complex emotions, put boundaries to the test, and can unravel the progress you’ve made throughout the year.
It’s normal to feel a complicated mix of excitement and dread. You might be looking forward to the favorite family recipes and the time off work, while simultaneously feeling a familiar knot in your stomach about difficult family dynamics and endless to-do lists.
In my work providing therapy for millennial women and high-functioning women of color, I see how quickly this season can drain your reserves.
You do not have to wait until you are completely burnt out to start setting boundaries.
Here are five practical ways to protect your energy before the holiday rush begins.
Decide in Advance How Long to Stay
Knowing there is a clear finish line makes it much easier to actually enjoy the time you spend at an event. Before you leave the house, tell your host gently, "I am so excited to see everyone, but I’ll need to head out around 4 PM today."
If you need to have this discussion with your partner or kids beforehand too, then have the conversation and be on the same page.
2. Pick One Thing to Say “No” To
Trying to attend every gathering and complete every tradition will only leave you running on empty. Look at your calendar right now and find just one obligation; an extra work happy hour, a gift exchange, or a baking task, that you can politely decline to buy yourself some breathing room.
Even better if you already know there are things you don’t like doing every year or that you know drain you every time. Quietly cross that off of your list right now.
3. Plan a Quiet Stretch of Time
The holidays are loud and demanding, so your quiet time needs to be scheduled on purpose just like any other event. Block out a specific, non-negotiable two-hour window on your calendar this weekend to do absolutely nothing but rest, read, or watch a favorite movie.
This is also a good time to check in with your mental health as the holidays roll in. Are you masking your emotions? Are you pushing your boundaries a bit? Are you trying to do everything for everyone and the feelings of burnout are creeping in?
4. Name One Person to Check In With
Having a safe person to ground you prevents you from feeling isolated in a crowded room. Choose one trusted friend or partner beforehand and agree to send each other a quick text if the holiday stress starts to feel too heavy.
This is also a good time to check in with your therapist or mental health care provider. Talk about things that may be triggering you and set a plan in motion for the next two months. Schedule those sessions now so that your check in is built into your schedule.
5. Prepare a Short Sentence for Hard Conversations
You know that one relative.
The one who asks the inappropriate questions or makes a sly comment.
Having a script ready keeps you from freezing or over-explaining when a relative asks an invasive question. Practice saying something simple like, "I'm actually taking a break from talking about that today, but I’d love to hear about what you've been up to."
Find Your Soft Place to Land
If the upcoming season feels heavier than you can carry alone, reaching out for support is a gentle way to take care of yourself.
In a first session with the AWA Team, we will simply focus on getting to know you, understanding what is weighing on your mind, and seeing if we are a good fit, without any pressure to fix everything all at once.
If you are ready to find a safe space just for you, visit our Contact Us page to schedule a free phone consultation.
We offer:
Individual, Couples, and Group Therapy tailored specifically to your lived experiences and relational goals.
Accessible Online Care across PA, DE, and VA, so you can heal from the comfort of your own safe space.
A Gentle, Attuned Approach equipped with real tools to help you build safety, connection, and radical self-trust.